What Has Lockdown Taught Me? AN UPDATE!

Well, what can I say? It’s been a while!

Back in January this year I completely restarted my blog. I moved over to self-hosting and connected with so many new people who mean so much to me! I told myself that I’d be posting every week – consistency was key in the road to my success. But as we all know by this point, life basically came to a halt. And it hurt me more than I could ever have visioned.

What was my last ‘normal’ moment?

One of my last ‘normal’ memories was with this absolute angel! We flew to Vienna for a mid-week 2-day trip and the entire time spoke about our plans for the rest of the year! “BUDAPEST HERE WE COME“.

During the trip I remember saying ‘Chloe, how scary is that virus in China? Could you imagine it spreading and becoming super serious’ and of course, just shaking it off! Because it was never going to get that bad… right?

Only to find that not even a month later it had spread to almost every country in the world. The places we visited that were full of life and people, were now as silent as ever.

The thought that in such a short period of time, the world went from being loud and crazy to being completely still is terrifying.

How am I finding lockdown?

In the beginning, it was hard. I couldn’t cope with what was happening, I didn’t want to believe that it was real. I spent every day in bed, watching Netflix and Youtube and avoiding the world and pretty much crying at everything. Life was a mess and I think that many people have felt or still do feel this way.

I neglected my personal care, my blog, my Instagram, and everything that I loved and adored – I lost my buzz.

Mentally, I have been finding things easier now. I’ve come to terms with the fact I can’t spend time with people I love, and I know that I just have to wait it out. Now I’m trying to focus on bettering myself and gaining new skills in order to feel like I accomplished something during this time!

 

So what have I learned?

This is a question that I reckon I will be asking a lot! I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months and I feel like I should have noticed these things years ago!

One of the main things being that I need to look after myself more. I realised pretty soon that I was neglecting myself and creating a space where I was thriving. It became super easy for me to feel like I was doing things to please other people – like posting on my blog/Instagram for example! I wasn’t creating the content I was happy with but was under the impression that I needed to post otherwise I was failing.

Once I came to this realisation, I stopped checking my phone as much, I started doing things I enjoyed no matter how unproductive and boring they were! And I slowly started to feel better.

Another thing I learned, which I think a lot of people have, is that I definitely took the little things in life for granted. Whether that be giving my gran and grandad a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or sitting in my boyfriend’s garden with his family on a hot day whilst listening to some music and even going for a wee Wagamamas with my bestie. Words cannot describe how much I miss those things and those people <3

What have I accomplished?

Over the last month, I have taught myself some new tech skills that hopefully, I can stick with and put into professional use! I picked up German again which I studied in school and started looking into my countries native language – Scottish Gaelic – which omg is so tricky!

I’ve been reading the books that sit on my shelf unread for years… we all have that stack of books right?

I’ve been teaching myself so many random things – some that are probably very useless (HAHA) BUT no matter how little something is that you’ve learned, it is always a step in the right direction! Never put yourself down!

What’s next?

This is the section of the post I was dreading… because one of the things I learned during lockdown, was that creating content for my blog isn’t for me anymore. Once something starts to feel like a chore over a hobby it can become unhealthy and as much as I enjoy writing for my blog, I can’t find or create the right content for me. I’m not happy with or proud of the content I create and I don’t enjoy forcing a topic into a post when I don’t have strong feelings towards it.

This isn’t me saying that I’ll never post again! Because I very much enjoy content creation and have done for so long, but right now I can’t create what I want. I always have new ideas and I put them aside for this blog and in order for me to develop as a content creator, I need to take a step in the other direction. Once I find the right content for me, I will be right back 😉

As of this moment, I will be pouring my energy into my Instagram and building my skills. I will be testing out new projects and ideas and if they work you will be the first to find out!

Lots of love <3

Rachel

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